I’ve spent time over the past year talking with young people about their hopes for marriage.And the question that comes up more than any other is: “How do I know if the person is the right one for me?In other words, if you’re a free spender, marry somebody who understands that. Whether the wife purchases an expensive camera or the husband a new golf club is not the core issue in what can become a monumental fight, but rather the deeper attitude toward what money means, how it should be spent and whether the financial interests of the couple are more important than indulging an individual whim.If you’re frugal, you need to marry somebody who understands that, because money is one of the stumbling blocks in marriages. Similarity in core values serves as a form of inoculation against fighting and arguing. we had whole different backgrounds, different perspectives.
They just want you to recognize that if you marry someone with values very different from yours, you are much more likely to face complex challenges in married life.
I’ve asked over 500 people married 40, 50 and more years what is most important for a long and happy marriage.
To my surprise, their advice was nearly unanimous: Opposites may attract, but they don’t usually make for great and lasting marriages.
It’s based this time on compatibility and understanding one another’s values. In other words, there’s no meanness, there’s no power struggles, no ‘my way is the right way,’ those kinds of things.” Of course, to ensure shared values, there is a catch: Namely, you need to explore one another’s values while you are in the process of committing to a relationship.
Ask the question: Do we believe the same things in life are important?