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When you’re a twin, it’s hard not to notice how fascinated the rest of the world is by your sibling relationship.
The two of us can speak from direct experience: Barbara has an identical twin sister and Amanda has a fraternal twin brother, and we’ve both spent much of our lives fielding questions about what it’s like to share a life with someone you once shared a womb with.
But I think it was probably within the year of meeting him, that I got the sense — and because my sister and Lisa, I was always with them, and hearing their experiences with him — somehow, what I discovered about him is that he was incredibly tender. So he presented himself much more tender than I think most people have ever known him to be. She said, “The machine behind the man” — you know, the Revolution, this group of people that were with him during this particular time [when] he became what he presented out in the world, for the first time — the wheels need to turn. So if there’s anything to be said about the work, or about that space in time, it was on his terms. But we got to see that all kind of play itself out. He’s not going to talk to you about stuff and things, things and stuff.
” Can you tell me more about getting to know him as a person? He gave me a sweet smile, but he was with Vanity; it seemed very weird and disconnected. I’ve been thinking about how that applies to living in this world; you want to be sensitive, but you also have to have boundaries. Susan Rogers, his engineer, had said something brilliant. And the mad professor has to tinker on that machine for a lot of time. So there was a lot of time with him, and he could be really private, even in the same space as you. He spent so much time alone, he was so private, but at the same time he would demand that you become part of that privacy — but you’re not allowed to be the expresser; he is.
Research has shown that as babies, twins are particularly tuned into each other’s moods and actions, comforting each other at the sound of thunder and reaching for each other in times of distress.
From an early age, twins often feel intense competition as they struggle to forge their own identities beyond one half of a duo.
Especially in adolescence, when everyone is already working to figure out who they are, twins are working double time: first to define themselves, and then to differentiate themselves from the other half of their twinship.
When I (Amanda) went away to college, “twin” was one of the first words I used to describe myself.
We’ve also spent plenty of time thinking about the source of all this intrigue: What is it, exactly, that people find so fascinating about twins?
We’ve pondered the question separately — Barbara in her research as a psychologist, Amanda in her writing — and discussed it together, and over time, we’ve landed on a working theory: Twins indulge the fantasy that it’s truly possible to have another half. As psychotherapist Vivienne Lewin, author of , “the idealization of the twin relationship is based on essential internal loneliness.” We all want to find someone who understands us intimately, and who better than someone you’ve known since before you were born?