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Men and women travel slightly different paths to arrive at sexual desire.
"I hear women say in my office that desire originates much more between the ears than between the legs," says Esther Perel, a New York City psychotherapist.
Only about one-quarter of women say they think about it that frequently.
But women will only do it if the candles are scented just right -- and their partner has done the dishes first. It's common wisdom that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire.In a survey of studies comparing male and female sex drives, Roy Baumeister, a social psychologist at Florida State University, found that men reported more spontaneous sexual arousal and had more frequent and varied fantasies."Men want sex more often than women at the start of a relationship, in the middle of it, and after many years of it," Baumeister concludes after reviewing several surveys of men and women.Men have every incentive to have sex to pass along their genetic material, Laumann says.By contrast, women may be hard-wired to choose their partners carefully, because they are the ones who can get pregnant and wind up taking care of the baby.