Should most people expect monogamy when dating
So after living in San Francisco for a while, I figured it was time to find out what polyamory really means from people who could actually tell me.
And once I learned more about it, I found that the poly people I met were doing relationships better than my monogamous friends.(Let me make the sweeping caveat here that I do not know, nor can ever know, everyone’s relationship experiences.
But in polyamory, one is able to maintain multiple romantic, emotional and sexual relationships at the same time with the people they like and are committed to. These relationships aren’t flings; they are real, serious and ongoing emotional commitments with multiple partners, and those commitments are equally important, without hierarchy.
What Polyamorists Are Doing Better Than My Monogamous Friends (And What My Monogamist Friends Could Learn from Them)When talking to all of these people about their relationships, something clicked for me.
Growing up on the East Coast, I hadn’t even heard the word.
I had questioned the idea of forever monogamy but had rarely heard this idea expressed publicly.
(Pause for some radical ’60s and ’70s free love and the sexual revolution.) But polyamorists don’t think that that’s realistic.
My friend Michael put it in more Berkeley terms: “Nonmonogamy/polyamory is probably growing in popularity because people are realizing the patriarchy is absurd and that true love is about authentic connection, not ownership.”It’s important to distinguish between “open relationships” and polyamory.
I ignorantly assumed that “poly” was synonymous with “open relationship,” but with more transparency about sex.If he needs something and doesn’t tell me, it’s not my job to know.How is someone supposed to know what you need if you don’t tell them?And how is one person supposed to fulfill all of your needs?”I am a woman who has played the “I am not going to tell you what I want, and you are going to figure it out or I will be mad” game. Because if one person can’t provide something, a partner is free to look elsewhere for it, and not just wait for it to happen. [In a monogamous relationship] either he is sacrificing something to be with me, or he is going to choose to not be with me. Time Management I jokingly asked my poly friends if they used Google Calendar to schedule dates, and some of them actually said yes.